There are several ways to make sure family members are involved in a wedding without being a bridesmaid or groomsmen.

QUESTION: I am planning to be married in the summer. I have two brothers and a sister. Is it important that we ask them to be in the wedding as a bridesmaid and groomsmen? Would it hurt their feelings if we did not ask them?

CALLIE’S ANSWER: I think this is up to you and your fiancé. I do know there are other ways to make sure they are involved without being a bridesmaid or groomsmen. For example, doing a reading or being an usher. Best wishes!

LILLIE-BETH’S ANSWER: It depends on the relationship you (and your fiancé) have with your brothers and sister, but think carefully before leaving them out of your wedding plans. They will always be your family, whatever happens with other relationships, and a sibling connection is a special one.

I don’t think you’re required to have them etiquette-wise, and it’s a personal choice, but including siblings on both sides is a good way to start off a marriage, family-wise. It’s a harder choice with siblings with whom you have no relationship, those who will disrupt the proceedings or those who are much older or younger, but if you generally get along with your siblings, invite them to be part of the festivities in one way or another. I don’t think you’ll regret it.

HELEN’S ANSWER: This is certainly your choice as to who is in your wedding party, but it seems like it would be very awkward not to have your brothers and sister participate unless they are a whole lot older or younger than you are. Even then, it seems like they be asked to be in it. Mostly, family members are dependable in a wedding situation. They show up if friends are not able to be there. You might hurt your whole family’s feelings, including mom's and dad's, if you don’t include them. Give it a lot of thought. Good luck!

GUEST’S ANSWER: Linda Miller, former fashion/beauty editor for The Oklahoman: This can be tricky. Maybe you have friends that you're closer with and prefer them to be standing beside you, but ask yourself if you would be hurt if you were excluded from your siblings' wedding parties. Certainly there are many other ways they can be included, from being an usher to greeting guests at the door to offering a toast at the reception or helping you dress before the ceremony. Depending on your relationship, maybe a smaller role would be their preference, too.

Since 2009, Callie, Lillie-Beth and Helen have written this generational etiquette column. They also include guest responses from a wide range of ages each week. So many years later, Callie is 20-plus; Lillie-Beth is 40-plus and Helen is 60-plus. To ask an etiquette question, email helen.wallace@cox.net.

This article originally appeared on Oklahoman: 20-40-60 etiquette: Siblings don't always have to make the wedding party cut